Forgiveness according to the dictionary means: the act of excusing a mistake or offense; or compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.
Yeah okay like that's an easy thing to do. I have a hard time forgiving people cause I feel they don't deserve my forgiveness especially after the things they've done. I feel it tells them that what they did was an okay thing to do. And its not an okay thing for them to do so how can I truly forgive them. Instead of forgiving them I push the situation out of my mind and try not to think about it. Doesn't always work though. When it comes out, oh man, am I angry. You are probably thinking I am angry at them, but in all actuality I'm angry at myself. "Why did I let this happen?" "What did I do that was so wrong to allow this to be okay?" All the anger then turns inward and it doesn't end well.
I'm learning that forgiveness isn't for the person who you are forgiving its often for yourself. Maybe I just need to forgive myself for what has happened and stop blaming myself for what has happened. I'm trying to figure this out and what the best way for me to do this would be. Like I said before, this isn't an easy thing for me especially to do. I look at those who are easy to forgive and wonder what it would be like if I could just do that. Seems to make things a little easier, but then again I would feel it gives the other person permission to continue doing what they have done because its like its okay with you that it happened. I can't live with that. I don't know how to figure it out and how to change the way I feel about forgiveness. I just know how I feel about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment