Week Eight: FEARS

• Heights (if not surrounded by walls)
• Pigs
• Living in pain and suffering
• Watching others live in pain and suffering
• Being someone I'm not
• Living with a secret

First, Heights (not surrounded by walls), This would include bungee jumping or sky diving things along those lines.  I'm afraid of falling I suppose in mid air to land where ever the wind takes me.  No thank you. 

Second, Pigs, Yes Pigs, I'm terrified of Pigs.  I was at camp once and we were doing these races against different camp groups and one part of the race was having to chase this pig and untie a rope from around its belly.  well I was young then and the pig instead of being chased was chasing me.  It terrified me and from then on out I have been terrified of them.  If they are even in a cage I'm still a little afraid of them.  It was an awful experience. 

Third, Living with pain and suffering, I'm not afraid of pain, or death, however I am afraid of living with it everyday of my life.  What kind of life would that be.  I'm afraid of suffering and not being able to live my life to the fullest capacity that I can.  I worry that this is the track of life I am on and that makes me afraid.

Fourth, Watching others live in pain and suffering, I fear for others.  I fear their fears for not living life to their fullest capacity.  I fear losing loved ones who have so much going for them, who have more to live for. 

Fifth, Being someone I'm not!, I'm afraid of this mask I'm hiding behind, A mask that lets people see who they want to see and not the real me.  I hide the real me to protect me so I don't get hurt anymore.  I hide so that people don't judge or criticize me for my actions.  I put on this mask and play this game to make people like me and to be accepted by people.  Some times people catch on and other times they don't.  I'm afraid that more people are going to start seeing through this mask and start seeing who I truly am on the inside and start judging me for who I am and disliking me for that.  Casting me out for my character, and my behaviors because they are different than maybe what they are use to.

And Lastly, Living with a secret, This Almost scares me the most.  It's a tie between this and being someone I'm not.  I live with a secret that I hide from almost every one I come in contact with on a daily basis.  It's hard keeping a secret for so long because eventually it wants to come out and when it does its not usually at the right moment.  I've done good so far at still being able to keep my secret from those who I don't want knowing and those who had to know, well they found out.  Luckily, it didn't change anything between their relationship between them and I so that was a positive thing for me.  And something I feared would happen.  LIving with a secret isn't easy and isn't fun, but I feel it is something I've had to do to protect my self from everyone around me.  To protect me from getting hurt.