The question is not why I want to recover, its Do I want to recover? And the answer to that question is not an easy one. I want to recover but at the same time I do not. Im very content being in the state I'm in. I like the results I get and it makes me feel good. Why change that? Thats right becuase if I continue this pattern of behavior then I could be in a serious health crisis. Thats why I want to change the behavior. I want to be in a healthier state than I currently am in. I think the main reason I don't want to change is because Im afraid to. Im afraid to live with out this behavior cause I don't know if anything else will make me feel as good.
My short term goal would be to try and find other things in my life that make me feel good. Even if that means just lying around with my family.
My long term goal would be to live with out the behavior and be healthier.
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